Not long ago I received an email with a man who purported to be from the UK and he was promising me millions of dollars if I follow his precise instructions. This email was a typical Nigerian Scam email and I have saw many that are similar structure and wording. They usually change a few details, such as where they are from and the reasons they need to unload millions of dollars upon your poor soul. There is a catch and they won’t tell you this up front. They want an advance fee up front, before they can transfer the millions to your bank account. Some people fall for this and they end up wiring thousands of dollars, only to find out that they get nothing in return. The scammers just take the advance fee money and run. Below is an example of the email that I got.
113 Sutherland Avenue,
Naida vale ,w2 92h
I write to seek your cooperation as my foreign partner and your assistance
to enable me to own properties and invest in the stable economy of your
country. I apologize if this mail message does not suit your personal or
My names are REV ROBERT JAMES KIRTON an attorney to a deceased Immigrant
property magnate who was based in the U.K., Also referred to as my client.
On the 25th of July 2000, my client, his wife and their two Children died in
the Air France concord plane crash bound for New York in their plan for a
Since then, I have been managing his properties here in the U.K. and some of
his properties, which he put out for sale. Which I monitored the payment as
his attorney, has been bought and paid for. Now the money paid was deposited
into his Local account here. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating
the money and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated
or declared unserviceable by his bank.
Particularly, the bank has issued me a notice to provide any of his next of
kin or have the account confiscated within a short time. My late client has
an account valued at 15.5 million dollars. Since I have been unsuccessful in
locating the relatives for some time now, and with the bank giving me
deadline, I now seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the
deceased, so that the proceeds of this account valued at 15.5 million
dollars can be paid to you and then you, and I can share the money. 50% to
me amounting to US$7,750,000.00 dollars and 40% for you amounting to
US$6,200.000.00 and 10% amounting to US$1,550,000.00 for miscellaneous
expenses that might arise. I have all necessary information that can be used
to back up any Claim we may make.
All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal
through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate
arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Trust me, as
his attorney; this is a risk-free relationship.
Send me your full names and address, telephone and fax numbers to enable us
discuss further about this transaction.
A swift acknowledgement on the receipt of this mail would be appreciated.
Please reply to my confidential email:firstname.lastname@example.org
I remain obliged,
ROBERT JAMES KIRTON
I wanted to make sure that there would be someone actually reading my replies so I sent an email to them that said, “Let’s talk”. They sent the same email back. I decided to send them a few strange emails that would either make them laugh or scare them off. Needless to say, they didn’t send me any more emails. The responses might have not been read by anyone but they were funny to me. Here they are.
Dear ROBERT JAMES KIRTON,
I am very interested in the thirty goats that you have for export. I have been massaging my Shetland pony with fine oils and many jars of Vaseline. I plan to use its’ excrement for financial gain and eventual worldwide domination. I can give you some insight on my business venture at your request.
Right now I am relaxing in a giant vat of silly putty and I have three large snakes slithering between my toes. Please send me your phone number so I can email you a large package. I will have a portly courier meet you at my vast compound to discuss future dealings. He will be waiting behind the wooden shed with a messenger bag full of homosexual frogs.
I love you.
Dear ROBERT JAMES KIRTON,
I lost my left penis in the late civil war and I am left with only thirty thousand US dollars from my post war compensation. I am willing to rape and pillage entire villages so that I can come up with fifty thousand dollars for you. I still have one testicle left and I can offer you one half nut as a gift.
I have terrible diarrhea and this is a factor in my lack of generosity. If I had genital warts I would be inclined to provide you with $100,000.
My loins are burning in anticipation of ramming your large scamming money pit with my erect totem pole.
My social security number is 308-13-4215 and my mother’s maiden name is Danford. I will be happy to provide you with bank account and credit card numbers if you so desire.